If you didn’t pick the U.S. Army that day you walked through your local strip mall mulling over which branch to choose, then you missed out.
Let’s face it. The demonym most people use for troops and service members is soldier. And there’s a damn good reason for that!
#1. We do awesome sh*t constantly.
Can you believe that civilians actually pay to go camping or to the shooting range?
You can forever play the “Oh, you think that is cool? Well I did…” stories in the lunch room at work.
#2. Because James Earl Jones.
The Marines may have Kylo Ren from the new Star Wars films, but we had his grandpa, Darth Vader.
#3. No one ever wanted to dress up as a Marine, Sailor, or Airman as a kid.
Kids running around with toy guns? They’re playing Army.
G.I. Joe? Mostly associated with the Army.
Those little green Army men? You get my point.
#4. We actually get to play with our cool toys.
Show of hands. How many airmen and sailors actually got to fly the planes or steer the ships their branch is known for doing? Now how many soldiers got to use the weapons our branch is known for using? Thought so.
#5. The Army has style.
We have always had the freshest looking uniforms throughout military history. Even when you’ve low crawled in the mud, Army uniforms look better than whatever the hell the Navy calls their blueberry uniforms.
Related: This is what you should know about the return of the ‘pinks and greens’
#6. Our boy, Captain America, is one of the most recognizable fictional characters.
Show a picture of Captain America to nearly anyone. I bet you that they can tell you exactly what his name is and his branch of service.
#7. No guts. No glory.
Yeah. Things suck some times. No denying that.
But if you don’t embrace the suck, live the suck, love the suck, and become the suck — you don’t have the privilege of calling yourself a bad ass.
#8. You personally get to deliver 5.56mm of freedom at a max effective range at 500 meters to piece of sh*t terrorists.
Every branch has POGs (Persons Other than Grunt.) Every branch has a version of a grunt. The Army has the highest “Hooah Sh*t” per capita. At least our POGs try to elevate themselves above their “glorified cheerleader” status.
The only down side is knowing that when you get out, you will never be as bad ass as you were when you were doing “Hooah Sh*t.”
#9. Almost every iconic General officer in American history was in the Army.
Crack open a history book. Nearly every great General gained their notoriety in the U.S. Army. You’re in good hands.
Not to discredit the other branches who have given our country the best military tacticians the world has ever seen (because this list is done ‘tongue in cheek’ and at the end of the day, we’re all brothers and sisters on the same team).
Related: 9 reasons you should have joined the Air Force instead