Not every E-4 has an engine room to hide out in, but there are plenty of other places to skate.
Now, there’s a fine line between when you just need a moment to yourself and when you’re screwing over your comrades — don’t be the guy who crosses this line.
If you need to hide, do it in a place where you’re only just a call away. That way you can keep shamming and your buddies can still cover for you.
This list is purely for entertainment purposes. If you get caught and blame it on an article you read — that’s on you.
11. In plain sight
If you look like you’re squared away, people will assume you are…and will be none the wiser if you conveniently aren’t around when there’s a call for parade practice volunteers.
10. Sick Call
Some say it’s “malingering.” Others say it’s “documenting it for the VA down the road.”
9. Dental
As long as you actually show up, your leader shouldn’t see an issue with you getting your teeth taken care of.
8. Smoke Pit
How many times have we all heard the phrase “if you smoke, take five to ten. If you don’t, I need you to…”
There’s a lot of new faces around the smoke pit whenever they hear that.
7. Alterations
Hey. You never know when the next Dress Uniform inspection is. Why not take the time to get it ready?
6. Post/Base Exchange (PX/BX)
You’d be amazed at how lenient everyone becomes when you say the phrase “Anyone want anything from the shopette?”
5. Inside a vehicle
Motor Pool Mondays. Someone has to check to see if the air conditioner is working or not.
4. Latrine
via GIPHYIf you got to go, you got to go. Just turn the sound off your phone before you play games.
9. Charge of Quarters (CQ)
Always try to get duty on a Thursday or the day before a four day starts. Who doesn’t want an extended weekend?
10. Barracks
Be sure to use buzz words like “spotless” and “maintained” before sneaking off to play that new game you picked up earlier at the PX/BX.
11. Behind your rank
It’s called a “Sham Shield” for a reason. Push that duty onto someone else while you wait for close of business formation.
*Bonus* At Fort Couch
If none of these places work for you and you just have to sham, PCS to Fort Couch. No one will get on you to do anything. You really will be on your “own f-cking program.”