Let’s dive deep into ‘Star Trek’ transporter technology

The internet is a giant dumpster fire but it is made slightly redeemable based on pop-culture content shared by your favorite Air Force vet random and completely unnecessary but much-needed gems like the reviews of the Three Wolf Moon shi…
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The internet is a giant dumpster fire but it is made slightly redeemable based on pop-culture content shared by your favorite Air Force vet random and completely unnecessary but much-needed gems like the reviews of the Three Wolf Moon shirt or everything surrounding the Storm Area 51 event.

The internet also gives us access to hot takes we never knew we needed, like Sean Kelly’s deepest, most pure thoughts on Star Trek transporters.


I think about transporters a lot. Like, there are a lot of potentially-awesome uses for the transporter that Starfleet never does because it would be a "sin against God" but like… you guys are supposed to be atheists.#StarTrek

— Sean Kelly (@StorySlug) March 23, 2020

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In the Star Trek franchise, a matter transportation device — or “transporter” — dematerializes matter (humanoids, objects, etc) and sends their constituent particles in the form of energy to another location before reconverting them back to their original form.

It’s cool futuristic technology, but it also makes for convenient story-telling. Need to get your characters down to that strange alien ship? Energize away! Need to rescue them in the knick of time before a singularity in a planetary core destroys them all? Beam them up, Scotty, and don’t be a b**** about it!

But, as Kelly points out, there are some missed opportunities for the inhabitants of the many Star Trek worlds when it comes to transporter capabilities. Why? Well, because television is only entertaining when the characters have obstacles to overcome.

Starfleet should be using transporter technology to become ageless, disease-free beings and there are only two reasons they don't:

1) A lot of religious-based ideas about morality are secretly baked into Star Trek
2) It would make for boring television

— Sean Kelly (@StorySlug) March 23, 2020

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Still, thanks to Kelly, we can debate the implications of transporter potential to our little hearts’ content. From medicinal achievements to murder, those transporters could do some crazy sh** if Star Trek writers wanted them to.

"Picard Alpha-Seven beams off just their clothes and they're really embarrassed and they try to cover up but it's too late, I've seen everything."

— Sean Kelly (@StorySlug) March 23, 2020

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I mean, Star Trek has very horny roots, so I’m honestly surprised this hasn’t happened yet. Maybe in Season 2 of Picard?

After mulling over some pretty basic possibilities for transporter use, Kelly starts to spiral exceptionally into Riker’s soul, Mirror Universe bisexuals, and rather creative weaponry implications.

Maddox's argument hinges around the belief that, not only do the new Rikers not have souls, but the *original* Riker doesn't have one either. To support his testimony he brings aboard every girl that Riker banged and didn't call back to take the stand and call him a bastard.

— Sean Kelly (@StorySlug) March 23, 2020

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Not to mention the Ship of Theseus Paradox, which fans of The Prestige might be familiar with. The paradox poses the philosophical question about whether a ship that has systematically had all of its parts replaced is actually the same ship at the end of the journey. In other words, if a person’s matter is dematerialized, will that actual person rematerialize on the other end — or have they essentially died while their copy continues to live?

F*** it! Sign us up!

"I made a teleporter!"

Millennials: "Cool, lemme at it."

"But philosophically using it may mean you die."

Millennials: "You already sold me bro."

— Sean Kelly (@StorySlug) March 23, 2020

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