Them: “Oh you are a military spouse? You must volunteer a lot.”
Me: “Yes, yes I do.”
Military spouse life means that there is this made-up rule that states that we should all volunteer in our community to make it great. The expectation that military spouses spend their time volunteering in some way is 100% true. As a new military spouse the advice received from seasoned spouses was to use my time to volunteer to widen my circles to connection and networking. This was great advice; I will not shy away from stating that, indeed, this works; however, volunteering can also go from being a great résumé experience to complete torture when done wrong.
Not only is the expectation that as a military spouse (more so when you are not currently employed), we spend multiple hours a week volunteering but that we do so for multiple organizations without taking into consideration how some volunteering opportunities align with our personal goals and lifestyle dynamic.
Is volunteering in the military community great?
Yes, it is. Volunteering can be beneficial in many ways. Volunteering can bring your life great friends and support, a sense of belonging and purpose, valuable experience and positive impact for you and others. Volunteering as a whole plays a key role in how our military community thrives, becomes stronger and more cohesive.
As someone who has dedicated way too many volunteer hours over the past 15 years and as someone who has volunteered with many military-affiliated organizations, I am here to tell you why boundaries are important. I am also here to share reasons in which you can understand when it is time to part ways with a volunteering opportunity that is no longer meant for you.
Let’s start with boundaries. Why are these important and how do we set boundaries for ourselves?
Setting boundaries is important to keep up with your well-being and maintain a balance between your personal life and the time you spend helping others.
Even though setting boundaries should be a priority from the start of your volunteer journey it is a must to know how to set these.
If you are a military spouse looking to start volunteering in your community or if you are finally realizing that setting boundaries is important for your well-being, here are some ways to establish them:
- Communication. Simple and to the point. Establish clear communication and set yourself up for success. Be upfront about your time commitment, communicate about any possible restrictions, share realistic expectations and do not compromise your personal time if you cannot do it. Just because you are a military spouse tackling deployment does not mean all your time is free to volunteer, sure it is a great way to stay busy but you also need time off for yourself and self-care.
- Learn to say no. Yikes! This one sure is tough for many of us. We are so used to taking on all the volunteer positions and work without saying no. This is your reminder that yes, you are allowed to decline politely. You do not need the burnout. If you cannot offer your time a certain week, or you have other commitments, it is important to learn to say no.
- Evaluate your involvement. From time to time it is good to see how volunteering and your personal life are going. Are you still enjoying this organization? Do you get along with other volunteers? Does the volunteering work align with your beliefs? If not, maybe it is time to part ways and find something different.
- Seek support. If you are feeling overwhelmed, tired and truly overspent then talking to someone outside the organization can help you find a way to cope or make the decision to take a break from volunteering. Share with a family member, a friend, or someone who has been there and understands the weight that volunteering can bring.
- Self-care. You are constantly giving your time to others so please give yourself your time as well. Prioritize your well-being, take breaks as needed and take care of yourself physically and mentally. Depending on the volunteer work, it can all take a toll on your body. Recharging is a must.
Understanding when it is time to part ways with a volunteering opportunity is paramount. Sometimes you just feel it in your gut that the organization has changed over time and no longer serves the bigger cause. Sometimes they simply don’t align with how you would want to volunteer. If their mission has shifted, if the volunteer setting is negative, if conflicts of interest exist, or if mismanagement is an issue, then these are your red flags to change your volunteering journey.
Don’t be alarmed, change is good and in many situations needed. As a military spouse who enjoys volunteering, you are an asset to this community. Find the perfect organization that will value you properly, encourage growth, stay on track with their values, and help you become an even better volunteer!