Going through a deployment isn’t fun whether it’s your first or 10th time dealing with such an event. Deployment is always rough. Always. It’s such an extended period of time, not to mention the uncertainties of knowing when your spouse will be home or what they may be facing while they’re away. (Combat deployments are all-the-more stressful, for obvious reasons.) But even an “easy” deployment causes stress.
Before gearing up for your spouse’s first long stint away, there are a few things you can do to help yourself prepare.
Managing expectations
Start by talking over expectations with your loved one. How often will you communicate? Who will handle financial responsibilities while they are gone? What do they expect to receive in the mail, and how often? If you have kids, what will be discussed with them, and how often will they talk with the kids? All of these topics and more should be discussed before they ever leave. Some may seem like very basic, but unmet expectations are the quickest way to a fight. Especially a petty one. (That could soon turn out to be not-so-petty.)
Next, manage your own expectations of what your spouse can do while they are away. Spoiler, the answer is not much! Sure they can talk with you (when they are able). But you won’t be able to rely on them for much support. They won’t be able to help with chores, cooking, driving kids, fixing the sink, changing your tires, etc. Whatever responsibilities they normally handle around the house will need to be outsourced. In most cases, this means it falls on the spouse left at home. Even if that means finding a repair person or making an appointment, it’s still your responsibility to make sure things are done.
This is no small feat. Don’t underestimate the toll it could (and will) take on you. Being a solo spouse is difficult and it requires a mental load that most first-timers don’t anticipate. Anything you can do in the early stages can help set you up for success.
Lean on those around you
Next, create your backup support system. Family, friends, and more will all be there to help you while your spouse is away. Don’t feel bad about leaning on them or asking for help. Doing so can help ease your own responsibilities. It can also allow you to get more done in a shorter amount of time. Having a spouse who’s deployed can be stressful, but it’s not a load you have to bear alone.
Don’t forget to let yourself be upset. Going through a hard time is bound to cause stress, mad moods, and more. But you also can’t let it rule your life. Find ways to work through hard days so you can come out on the other side. Work out, meet up with friends, have a meal you enjoy – adapting to this short term change can make it go faster and smoother for everyone involved.
Before you know it, you will fall into a routine of your loved one being away. It’s not a process that becomes easy, but one that becomes manageable. Do your best to lay out realistic expectations, then find ways to work through them while your spouse is gone. This can be an ideal way to create a smooth, or at least bearable, deployment for you and your spouse alike.