Divorce is never easy. But in the military? It’s a legal, financial, and emotional labyrinth. Where do you file? Does the military spouse lose Tricare overnight? What are the entitlements as a military spouse?
For military spouses, the stakes are high, and the answers aren’t always clear. Unlike civilian divorce, military divorce comes with its own set of rules, restrictions, and loopholes—and getting it wrong can cost you your benefits, your housing, and your financial security.
If you’re facing a military divorce, here’s what you need to know:
- Military divorce isn’t like civilian divorce.
- Where to file.
- What happens to your health insurance?
- What happens to your base housing?
- Are you entitled to part of the service member’s pension?
- How does divorce affect custody of your children?
- How much child support can you expect?
1. Military divorce isn’t like civilian divorce
First things first: Military divorces are handled by state courts, just like civilian divorces. But that’s where the similarities end. The military adds complications that most people don’t see coming:
- Where you file matters. Thanks to PCS moves, you might have options: the state you live in now, the state where your spouse is stationed, or their official state of legal residency. Each has different divorce laws, especially when it comes to splitting military pensions.
- Your benefits don’t automatically carry over. Tricare, base housing, and even retirement benefits can vanish the moment the ink dries on the divorce decree.
- Military support rules aren’t the same as civilian laws. The military requires service members to provide for their families, but enforcement is tricky. Civilian courts handle long-term alimony and child support, but if your ex isn’t paying? The military has its own system (which doesn’t always work in your favor).
These differences matter because if you don’t plan ahead, you could walk away with less than you deserve.
2. Where should you file?
Most people don’t realize it, but choosing the wrong state to file for divorce could cost you thousands of dollars in benefits. Unlike civilians, military spouses might have options:
- The state where they currently live
- The state where their spouse is stationed
- The state their spouse claims as their legal residence
This isn’t a small technicality. Every state handles military pensions, alimony, and asset division differently. Some states make it easier to claim part of a military retirement. Some won’t even touch it. File in the wrong state, and you might be walking away with nothing.
If divorce is imminent, go to your installation’s legal assistance office immediately. Every base has one. They can’t represent you in court, but they will tell you which state is best for your case—and that alone could change your entire settlement.
If you’re not near a base, search for the Armed Forces Legal Assistance Program office closest to you.
3. Will you lose Tricare?
Yes. For most spouses, Tricare is gone the second the divorce is final. There are exceptions, but they are strict:
- 20/20/20 rule – You keep Tricare for life if you were married for 20 years, your spouse served for 20 years, and at least 20 of those years overlapped.
- 20/20/15 rule – If only 15 years overlapped, you get one extra year of Tricare. After that, you’re on your own.
- Everyone else – Coverage ends immediately.
Some military spouses assume they’ll have time to figure out insurance after the divorce. They don’t. If you don’t qualify under the 20/20/20 or 20/20/15 rule, your only military option is the Continued Health Care Benefit Program (CHCBP). It’s expensive, and it’s only temporary. If you don’t start looking for new health insurance now, you could be uninsured overnight.
4. Do you have to leave base housing?
Yes. And it could happen faster than you think. Some bases allow a 30-day grace period after the divorce, but others don’t. The moment your marriage is legally over, you are no longer entitled to military housing.
What to do now
- Go to the housing office and ask for a timeline. Some installations offer temporary extensions, but they won’t give them if you don’t ask.
- Look into rental assistance programs through Military OneSource. They won’t cover everything, but they can help with the transition.
- If you need financial support for relocation, check with state and local programs, not just military ones.
5. Will you get part of your spouse’s military pension?
This is the single biggest financial mistake military spouses make in divorce. Military pensions are considered marital property, but that doesn’t mean you automatically get a share.
- If you don’t negotiate it into the divorce settlement, you will not get it.
- If you were married at least 10 years, with 10 years overlapping military service, DFAS (Defense Finance and Accounting Service) can send your portion directly.
- If you were married less than 10 years, your ex is responsible for paying you. It can be extremely difficult (if not impossible) to get your ex to pay you unless it is negotiated in settlement and you have it in writing.
This is where people get blindsided. The court will not automatically give you part of the pension. You need to fight for it in the divorce agreement. If your attorney doesn’t understand military divorce, you could lose your claim entirely.
Find a divorce lawyer who knows military law. Not just any divorce lawyer—someone who understands the Uniformed Services Former Spouses Protection Act (USFSPA). If your settlement doesn’t specifically include pension division, you get nothing.
6. How military service affects custody
Military life complicates custody battles. Courts favor stability for children, and that often means:
- The non-military parent gets primary custody.
- Frequent deployments make joint custody difficult to maintain.
- Some states offer military-specific parenting plans that adjust custody during deployments.
If your ex is active duty and you are not, you may have an advantage in custody rulings. But if you’re the service member, you need a lawyer who understands how military life impacts custody agreements.
7. Child and spousal support: how much can you expect?
The military requires service members to financially support their families, but enforcement is hit or miss.
- Each branch has temporary support guidelines for separated spouses—but they aren’t legally binding.
- Civilian courts handle official child support and alimony orders.
- If your ex isn’t paying, you can file a complaint with their chain of command, but results vary.
Too many spouses assume the military will step in and enforce payments. They won’t. If you don’t have a civilian court order for child or spousal support, you have no real enforcement power.
What to do now
- Get a court order for support. The military’s system alone won’t guarantee payments.
- If your ex refuses to pay, escalate. Their command can enforce temporary support, but you have to file a complaint.
- Document everything. Pay stubs, expenses, unpaid support—keep records of every missed payment.
What to do next
- Go to your installation’s legal assistance office. They will tell you where to file, what benefits you qualify for, and how to protect yourself.
- Talk to a military divorce attorney. Do not assume any lawyer knows military rules—find someone who does.
- If you are entitled to a share of the pension, fight for it in the divorce settlement. It will not be granted automatically.
- Make a plan for health insurance and housing now. You may lose both faster than you expect.
Military divorce isn’t like civilian divorce. It’s a legal and financial minefield. If you don’t plan ahead, you could lose health care, housing, retirement benefits, and financial support, and by the time you realize it, it will be too late.
You need facts. You need legal support. And you need to act before the system works against you. If you’re going through a military divorce, get help now. No one is going to fight for what you deserve except you.