Moving, especially moving across the country, isn’t something that gets easier. The more times a military family packs up and moves … it might become more efficient, of course. But leaving the place one knows, where you’ve made friends and family, that part never gets easier. There are only more people who are left behind.
If you’ve ever PCSd, you know the drill. You may be numb to all the changes of moving and landing somewhere new. But you know exactly what it takes, and what it can do to you to press pause on your entire life, then start it a few weeks later under an entirely new set of parameters. New house (if you have one yet), new school, new proximity to stores, and more. Not to mention a new job for you or your spouse (or both!).
If you have never PCSd before, we’re sure you’ve pictured it. Imagine moving to a town hours and states away from anyone you have ever known, then landing at a new address where you don’t even know the first turn to make in heading to the grocery store. That is your reality when moving through the military.
The worst parts may include: being homesick, not having anyone nearby, not knowing your way around, missing your favorite spots, not having support, and simple logistics that become difficult in a new space. But there are plenty of things to celebrate too: the adventure, travel opportunities, new friends and a chance to start over.
Managing the stress
Sure there are logistics that you can plan for, but the harder factors are the ones you don’t anticipate. Being lonely. Needing to set up living situations; something as simple as not having the right hooks for your shower curtain can occur. Is it an easy fix? Assuming you can locate the store, yes. But it’s still one more thing on a to-do list that grows and grows when setting up a new residence. That homey feeling is weeks away, as is the ability to actually relax in your new space.
Trusted support system
Then there’s the fact of not knowing anyone, not having a trusted support system. Sure you may be able to find someone to help. But do you feel comfortable doing so? Is it easy to find them, or will you have to ask around? It goes without saying that the longer you’re in a place, the more people you will know, the more options you have for help. So when just starting out, you might not have anyone to lean on in an emergency.
There is everything from finding a new gym you like, to hitting up the best drive-throughs, to paying utilities, getting a new route mapped out to work, and everything in between. It’s just A LOT until you can feel settled.
Then there are non-emergencies. Sometimes you just want to kick back and hang out with a friend … which is harder to do when you don’t have any close by. Making friends is work in and of itself. You have to find things out about the other, learn what they’re into, and determine how much weirdness you can show them at any given time. Lest you freak out your best shot at a new local bestie.
Every personality will handle PCSing differently. Depending on your comfort zone, there will be parts to love and parts to hate. That also means you’ll have your own approach at settling in creating a path toward making the new location home.
Remember that it’s a process that will always be hard, and getting through the most painstaking, loneliest parts will be the worst of it all. But you can do this and it will get easier! You’re not alone.