Homecoming is supposed to be a joyous reunion, But if we’re being honest, it’s more like an emotional rollercoaster that none of us really signed up for. You’ve spent months or maybe even a year living separate lives. Now, suddenly, you’re supposed to mesh them back together like nothing’s changed. Spoiler alert: everything’s changed. So, where do we even start?
The Emotional Whirlwind of Homecoming
When your spouse steps off that plane, it’s like a scene straight out of a movie. But the movies don’t show the awkwardness that can settle in once the initial excitement fades. Joy, relief, and anxiety are all there, tangled up in a confusing mess of feelings. And guess what? That’s totally normal.
I remember when my partner came back from a nine-month deployment. I had this fantasy that we’d pick up right where we left off. Reality check: within days, we were both on edge. He didn’t know where the cereal bowls were (I had reorganized the kitchen at 2 AM one night because, deployment insomnia), and I was irritated that he left his gear strewn all over the living room. It hit me that we needed more than just excitement to get back on track. We needed a game plan.
Let’s Talk—Like, Really Talk
Communication sounds cliché, but it’s the first step in rejoining your lives together after a long deployment or TDY. Not just the “How was your day?” kind of talk, but the deep, sometimes uncomfortable conversations.
- Schedule Uninterrupted Time: Put the phones on silent, turn off the TV, and actually look at each other. Yes, eye contact can be weird after months of FaceTime freezes, but it’s important.
- Weekly Check-Ins: Make it a thing. Every week, same time, no excuses. Talk about what’s working, what’s not, and what’s straight-up annoying. We call it a Training Meeting and it happens without fail every Sunday over coffee. It’s our time together to reset, recalibrate, talk about last week’s wins, and what’s on deck for the week coming up.
- Start Slow: If diving deep feels like too much, begin with simple questions. “What’s been the highlight of your week?” or “Is there anything you’re stressing about?”
The goal is to bridge the gap that’s formed over the months apart. You both had different experiences and acknowledging that is key.
Do Stuff Together
Hanging out isn’t just about being in the same room, scrolling through your phones. It’s about reconnecting in ways that matter.
- Revisit Old Favorites: Cook that meal you both love or binge-watch the show you used to watch together. Familiar activities can bring back a sense of normalcy.
- Try Something New: Sign up for a pottery class (yes, even if you’re both terrible at art) or go hiking on a trail you’ve never explored. New experiences can create fresh bonds.
- Embrace the Awkward: If it feels weird at first, that’s okay. Laugh about it. The point is to be present, not perfect.
Remember that it’s okay if it doesn’t feel seamless right away. The aim is to rebuild, not to replicate the past.
Ease Back into Physical Intimacy
Let’s get real about this one. Everyone expects that homecoming equals fireworks in the bedroom. But sometimes, it’s more like fumbling with damp matches.
- No Pressure: Start with simple gestures like a hug, a kiss on the forehead, holding hands. Let things progress naturally.
- Communicate Needs and Boundaries: This isn’t the time for assumptions. If you’re not feeling it, say so. If you are, make that clear too.
- Non-Sexual Affection: Cuddling on the couch or giving a foot massage can reignite closeness without the pressure of diving right into sex.
Physical intimacy is a journey, not a destination. Give it the time it deserves.
Navigating New Roles and Routines
While they were gone, you probably became a pro at juggling all the things – work, kids, home repairs, you name it. Now they’re back, and the balance shifts again.
- Have the “Who’s Doing What” Conversation: Maybe you took over paying bills or fixing the leaky faucet. Discuss whether you want to keep those roles or pass them back.
- Be Open to Change: Just because you handled everything doesn’t mean you have to continue doing so. Likewise, they might want to take on new responsibilities.
- Avoid Assumptions: Don’t expect them to read your mind about household duties, and vice versa.
Creating a new normal is a team effort. Lay it all out so there are no hidden resentments.
Personal Space Is Still a Thing
It might seem weird to think about needing space after being apart for so long, but it’s actually super healthy.
- Respect Their Downtime: They might need a minute (or several) to decompress. It’s not about you; it’s about readjusting.
- Take Your Own Time Out: Keep up with the self-care routines or hobbies you picked up while they were away. It’s okay to do your own thing.
- Balance, Togetherness, and Solitude: Find that sweet spot where you both feel connected but not smothered.
Personal space can actually bring you closer together by reducing friction and giving each of you room to breathe.
The Raw, Unfiltered Bottom Line
Homecoming isn’t a fairy tale; it’s messy, confusing, and sometimes downright hard. But that’s okay. It’s about navigating the chaos together, one honest conversation and awkward moment at a time.
Don’t beat yourselves up if it doesn’t feel like a perfect reunion. Perfection is overrated, anyway. What’s real is putting in the work to understand each other all over again. By being upfront, patient, and willing to adapt, you’re not just surviving the aftermath of deployment; you’re building an even stronger and more resilient relationship. Here’s to the late-night talks, the mismatched expectations, and the beautiful, complicated journey of finding your way back to each other.