The first time your soldier leaves, like leaves-leaves, can feel like an empty hole in your home. Their side of the bed is empty, there are fewer dishes, their voice is absent from regular conversations you once had. And all of their things are in the same place they left them, since, quite obviously, they aren’t there to move them.
In theory, all this sounds like a no-brainer. Of course it’s quiet, of course their side of the bed goes untouched. Duh. But as it plays out, life is just … quieter. Emptier. Lonelier. No amount of planning can prep you for the absence of your everyday norm.
For them, it’s different. They are busy and out visiting new places. Not ones where they are used to seeing their loved ones, while you’re feeling left behind and alone.
The seasoned, salty spouse will guffaw at this. They’ve done it many times over. But as a first-timer, it can be a hard concept to grasp.
Tips for the first days after deployment
The hardest part is finding a new routine. You will get there, you will settle in and find a groove. And from there, on, you’re just living your new normal. Until then, you might feel like you’re flailing in a weird stage of in-between. (You kind of are.)
In the meantime, stay busy. Meet up with friends, run errands, visit family for the weekend. Even if you’re at home cooking and cleaning, find something to do to keep your body moving. Exercise can also be a great way to burn off energy while releasing endorphins.
Though it can be tempting, keep in mind of potential triggers that could send you spiraling, like alcohol or walloping in self-despair. These are two triggers that can make the bad times worse, and if you aren’t careful, they could suck you down into a deep, dark hole.
Next, set up some goals. It could be goals for the month or the entire deployment, but staying focused and productive is a great way to feel like you aren’t getting ripped off. Instead of missing out on time with your loved one, you’re using the time to accomplish key goals. It’s all about how you look at it.
Find what interests you and make the goals happen. There are milspos who remodel a new room in their house each time their spouse is gone. There are those who sew a wardrobe of homemade clothes. There are those who cook a freezer full of meals that can be cooked later.
There are no rules on how to spend your time, only that you should keep yourself distracted on positive events.
In short, your goals, and your keeping yourself busy will allow for a new routine. One that will feel like a new normal, even if it’s temporary. It’s a spot that can make the deployment much easier, too.
Sure, you’ll talk to your spouse as they are available. You can tell them about your projects and how you’re staying busy. But you can’t live for these times, instead just cherish them as often as you’re able to get them.
Allow yourself this head start in the beginning days for a stint that can benefit your family, rather than cause stress or strain. Then, once your spouse returns, you can pick up where you left off, now with a stronger bond between you.