Close your eyes and picture a military spouse greeting their loved one after a long duty assignment away from home. You’re probably picturing a woman in an airport or giant parking lot. She has on a dress, maybe it’s covered in polka dots. She has a small child with her. Around the corner comes her husband, in uniform. He is carrying a duffle bag over his shoulder and… what’s that? He is holding a stuffed animal, surely meant for the child. They scream with joy as they all hug each other, happy to be reunited at last.
Something like that anyway.
Let’s address the obvious before going any further. At the time of writing, males account for a little less than 10% of the military spouse demographic. Take away those male spouses who are also in the military and that number shrinks even more. Because of this, the largest portion of that audience is women. So, one can understand why the above-mentioned scenario makes sense.
Now look, before you get the wrong idea, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that scenario. I love seeing families reunited after being apart for so long. All good humans should. The reason for me using that example is to illustrate a struggle that so many male spouses endure daily. That we are always one of the first to be forgotten when it comes to groups, resources, giveaways, etc. For many women, the exclusion is an accident. They mean absolutely no harm, they simply forget we exist. But for others, the exclusion is intentional and an effort to ensure “military wife” is synonymous with military spouse.
There is also a huge elephant that needs to be addressed. An elephant many will discuss in private but don’t want to talk about in public, which are jealous partners. Many people become jealous for many reasons. I’m not here to tell anyone how to live their lives or run their relationships. I’m simply acknowledging the fact that some of the exclusion is the result of partners being uncomfortable with their wives being around other men. To those partners, I say this: talk to the guy. Get to know him before making snap judgments. It is ultimately up to you and your partner who you allow in your lives. But it is not up to you to exclude someone from a community.
We aren’t asking for special treatment, just inclusion. We face the same difficulties as every other military family. We deal with fluctuating finances. We have childcare needs. We enjoy having access to resources that may ease some of the stress we all face. The kind of stress that can be alleviated, at least in part, by having a strong support system. Do you know how common it is for guys to be denied and blocked from online spouse support groups?
Ladies, the men need your help. We cannot improve our situation without you. Heck, I wouldn’t even be writing these articles if it weren’t for the many awesome women in our community who give me the platforms to do so. At the end of the day we all face most of the same challenges. So pretty please, with sugar on top… help us get a seat at the table. We promise not to wear the same dress as you.