It’s never fun to be separated from your spouse, especially when living overseas. For some reason, being separated overseas seems to add a layer of stress, at least for me, with young children ages 2 and 3. There is no circumventing the occasional times apart, whether for work or other reasons; that’s just life. The gap between having my husband around and doing the few pesky chores I loathe, like taking out the trash, is undoubtedly felt when he is away. Over the past three years, I’ve learned that the only way to thrive during separation is to find your battle rhythm (as my husband says). This might look different for everyone, but here are some tips to help you thrive during your time apart, and many can be applied to your everyday life.
9 tips to thrive during your service member’s TDY
1. Meal Prep
I have to preface I am not a nutritionist or dietician; these are simply what I do that work for me. If you follow a specific diet, adjust this to fit your goals and nutritional requirements. Meal prepping is such a game-changer, especially when my husband is away. While I enjoy cooking more elaborate meals when time allows, I keep it simple with my meal prep while my spouse is away to make sure I am fueled and have enough energy to keep up with whatever life throws me during this time. I don’t want to think about what I am making for dinner each night, so having meals in the fridge ready for the day takes one less thing off my plate. I will usually include two different carbs for variation, lots of veggies, and a few protein choices and vary them in my containers. Taco bowls and salads are another super easy thing to have prepped and ready to grab.
Other things I do:
- When in a pinch, I keep a few Healthy Choice frozen meals and a bag of frozen pre-cooked chicken to add to the meals. This way, I get enough protein and feel satiated after eating them. The pre-cooked frozen chicken is also a lifesaver at any time.
- Pre-cut your veggies and fruits and have them easily accessible in the fridge for when hunger strikes.
2. Identify your pain points for the day
What time of day do you feel the most stress? My first pain point typically comes in the morning when I am chasing two rabid pterodactyls, trying to get clothes on them before school. Once these points are identified, how can you pre-emptively ease the stress? I lay out my children’s clothes and my clothes the night before, a small but straightforward thing that once again removes a decision I must make in the morning.
3. Wake up early enough to have some alone time before the hustle and crazy of the morning begins
I love nothing more than a hot cup of coffee (ready to go the night before) in a quiet house in the morning. I journal and plot out what I must accomplish that day. Having this time to mentally prepare for the day versus waking up and jumping straight into the bustle of getting the kids out the door sets your day up for success.
4. Make your bed
Speaking of mornings, I will throw this one out there, and yes, it is one you have probably heard since childhood. So many things are out of our control on a given day. Making the bed starts your day off on the right note and gives me a sense of calm when I enter the room later to see it made. I will now confess I live on another planet of crazy; while my husband is gone, I move the throw pillows to his side of the bed, so when I wake up in the morning, I only have to put my side of the covers up and move the pillows back in place. You don’t have to join this crazy train, but once again, it’s one less thing I must think about during my day.
5. Keep your home tidy
For the record, I do not claim to be a neat fanatic, but I am clean, yes. When my husband is home, I occasionally let the clean clothes pile on top of my dresser versus folding them. When he is away, I keep everything super neat. Having a tidy space is calming, and I need all the calm I can conjure up during this time.
6. Stay busy, but don’t overschedule
I get it: You want to keep yourself and your children preoccupied so that time passes quickly. Schedule your playdates and outings, but don’t run yourself around so much that you create unnecessary stress trying to get from activity to activity.
7. Schedule time for yourself
Don’t be afraid to decompress without your children, whether that means a hot bath after bedtime, a gym date and coffee with a friend, or a night out to a restaurant alone.
8. Lean on your friends when things get tough
I am the first to admit this is hard for me. I never want to burden anyone with my stress, so I often keep everything to myself until I hit a breaking point. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends when you need help; they are almost always willing to jump in and lend a helping hand.
9. Move your body
This doesn’t mean you must jump headfirst into a CrossFit class or run a marathon. This is simply a reminder to move in whatever method appeals to you. My focus on movement is undoubtedly on getting stronger, but as I approach 40 later this year, I want to keep my fitness levels up so I can chase around my two children and have the energy to do the things I love. Some days that means I get an hour of barbell therapy in the gym; other days, it looks like hitting 20 to 30 minutes on my stationary bike at home. If getting to the gym isn’t feasible where life is currently for you, get outside and get those steps in (yes, even in winter).
My primary focus while my spouse is away is to create a sense of ease and balance. By streamlining daily tasks, addressing challenges proactively and prioritizing self-care, I aim to set us up for a successful time apart. Of course, it won’t always be easy—especially if you’re navigating solo parenting. Some days may still end with you reaching for that bottle of red. But I hope that even adopting one or two of these strategies can help lighten the load and make this period a little more manageable.