Loud noises. Sudden changes of plans. Overstimulation. Restless sleep. These are only a small cause for post-traumatic triggers for a combat veteran, or any veteran for that matter. Because military jobs vary widely in both skill and types of tasks, there is no one-size-fits-all gig. Circumstances vary greatly from what takes place while a person is on the job, to how the individual responds. All of these aspects play into a personal form of trauma.
Here are 5 tips for working through Post-Traumatic Stress with your spouse:
1. Understanding where it comes from
One of the first ways to deal with PTS is to understand the fact that everyone’s is different. There’s no way to put someone into a box defining how their trauma started or what could cause it to be triggered. Leaning into this reality sooner rather than later can help immensely. In addition, understand that everyone could react to the same situation in a different way. The brain works in mysterious ways, from forcing someone to forget something, to reminding them via smell or sound. And that means no one will know what may upset them, including the person suffering from the trauma itself.
2. Encourage help, don’t force it
Anyone suffering from PTS is likely to be helped by some form of therapy. Yes from a professional, but if your loved one isn’t willing to take that step, forcing them will do no good. In order for someone to get the help that they need out of therapy sessions, they have to be a willing participant. Therapy is hard emotional work, and if they don’t put in the effort, they will just be going through the motions. (And likely getting a bad taste in their mouth for the process.)
Do your best to encourage therapy, but don’t force it upon them. Likewise, therapy can come in different forms. Hobbies that interest your loved one and give them time to think and relax can also be good for the soul. Don’t discount the amount of help that they could get from having some much needed time alone, or by participating in a certain activity.
3. Get them around other veterans
As a military spouse, you may be understanding and aware of what your spouse is dealing with, but you didn’t live it yourself. The only people they will feel they can connect with about certain things will be other vets. That’s why it’s important for them to gather and feel heard by their peers. It may also be helpful for them to feel like they are helping others; it can be a fulfilling way to boost one’s confidence levels.
Whether in a controlled group setting or through impromptu meetups, consider finding ways for your soldier to meet with others who served. Even if they just want to reminisce and tell stories, this can be an effective way to blow off steam and for them to feel as though they are not alone.
4. Weather the storm
If your soldier suffers from PTS flare-ups, you likely know the symptoms and the triggers that lay ahead. When X happens or Y takes place, you know it’s time to buckle down. Likewise, you know the best ways to avoid setting them off. But when a flare up does happen, you want to get through and make it to the other side, not make it worse. In a way that’s safe for everyone involved, try your best to minimize a PTS reaction. Encourage excersize and healthy eating, hydration, staying on medications (when applicable), avoid alcohol (if and when possible), and steer your soldier toward healthy behavior rather than those that may lead to remind them of their trauma.
5. Educate yourself as much as possible
Everyone reacts to trauma in their own way. But as a spouse, informing yourself of those causes and better ways to deal with them can lead to a happier, more peaceful home for all involved. Read books, listen to podcasts, and talk with other military spouses. In the same way that you want to become a better parent for your kids or a more informed employee, you can become a more understanding spouse of what your loved one is dealing with.
Remember that symptoms can wane with time, too. So just because there is a worse time after a deployment or a huge life event, doesn’t mean it will always be that way.
Dealing with a spouse who has PTSD can be a very mild event, or it can be something that takes a lot of time and energy from both partners. In either case, the more prepared you are, the better you can deal with things going forward.