Sometimes, the sweetness of life is found in the simplest of things—like waffles for dinner or cheering at a high school wrestling match. In the whirlwind of military life, it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and miss these precious moments. Learning to be present can transform your experience, allowing you to savor the small victories amidst the challenges.
Here are five tips to help military community members, especially spouses, embrace the present and make the most of the moments that matter most.
1. Acknowledge the dualities of military life
Recognize and accept that military life is a mix of hardships and blessings. Recently, over coffee, a friend shared, “This season has been riddled with beautiful moments and blessings that are slammed right next to some of the most intense aches and hardships.” We sat in silence, acknowledging that this is the essence of military life: moments of joy interwoven with challenges.
For me, the last six years have been wave after wave of sadness and suffering, peppered with interludes of joy, hope, and fun. It really is moment to moment. By accepting this duality, you can better prepare yourself to seize the sweet moments when they come.
Reflect regularly and practice gratitude. Take time to journal or meditate on both the struggles and the joys you experience. Acknowledging both can help you stay grounded. Even on tough days, find at least one thing to be grateful for. This shifts your focus to the positive aspects of your life.
2. Be present for those right in front of you
Focus on being fully engaged with the people around you, despite external stresses.
The intensity of military life often means juggling numerous responsibilities, which can distract us from the people who matter most. I had to develop the ability to be in the moment, to focus on being present for the people right in front of me.
Our turning point came during my husband’s deployment in 2019. We had recently relocated and barely knew anyone locally. The day he left, my oldest daughter couldn’t control her grief, sobbing and begging for her father to come back. Holding myself together, I promised her I would be there through it all.
During those tough nine months, despite being in survival mode, I realized the importance of being emotionally available for my children. They needed me to be present, to listen, and to provide comfort.
Limit distractions and listen actively: Put away your phone and give your full attention to your loved ones during conversations. Show genuine interest in what your family members are saying without immediately trying to solve their problems from the jump.
3. Embrace flexibility and adaptability
Accept that plans may change and adapt accordingly, finding new ways to connect and create joy. Our family faced numerous unexpected challenges: base sewage backups flooding our home, vehicle breakdowns, and a sudden 365-day unaccompanied tour to Korea for my husband, all during the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic.
In 2021, just before his planned homecoming, my husband suffered a profound injury to his neck, spine, and shoulder. Our reintegration was far more stressful than we had hoped. His recovery was slow, and his PTSD became unmanageable.
Amidst these hardships, we learned to adapt. Instead of clinging to how things “should” be, we focused on what we could control—like creating new family traditions and finding joy in unexpected places.
Stay open-minded and seek support: Be willing to adjust your expectations and find alternative solutions when faced with obstacles. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professional resources when adapting feels overwhelming.
4. Create and cherish small moments of joy
Find happiness in simple activities and shared experiences. When our children started wrestling last year, my husband decided to coach. This decision changed our lives in countless ways. The connections between him and our older children were re-solidified, and the wrestlers on the team became like a second family.
One of our new favorite traditions is making waffles for our wrestlers. We make them for meets, after-practice meals, late-night hangouts, and sleepovers. This simple act became a source of joy and connection, allowing us to fully embrace the season of life we’re in.
Establish new traditions and be a little spontaneous. Create simple family rituals, like weekly game nights or special meals, to foster connection. Allow yourself to seize the moment, whether it’s a last-minute trip to the park or an impromptu dance party in the kitchen. Early 2000’s club hits aren’t a bad addition.
5. Live in the Moment
Consciously focus on the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Military life often teaches you to live in survival mode, pushing through without stopping to breathe. For most of 2020, I’m not sure I even stopped to breathe. However, when my husband began his journey toward healing through a partial hospitalization program for PTSD, I realized the importance of being in the moment.
We committed to making memories, focusing on the now, and enjoying each other well. Uncertainty and anxiety still abound, but by practicing mindfulness, we’re able to appreciate the beauty in everyday moments while enduring long-suffering.
Cultivate opportunities for reflection and limit multi-tasking. Engage in activities that require your full attention, such as journaling, reflection exercises, or carrying a conversation with guided prompts. Focus on one task at a time to fully immerse yourself in what you’re doing.
The big battles may be behind us, but the real victories happen in the small, everyday moments. It’s time to savor the sweetness of this season.
Military life is filled with challenges, but it’s also rich with opportunities to connect deeply with those we love. By acknowledging the dualities, being present, embracing flexibility, creating joy, and practicing mindfulness, we can find beauty and meaning in the journey.
This season, I’m learning to slow down, to be present, and to soak up every sweet, fleeting moment with my family and loved ones. Because in the end, it’s these small victories that make all the difference.
Being present isn’t just about being physically there; it’s about fully engaging with life as it unfolds. Embrace the now, and you’ll find that even amidst hardships, there’s a profound sweetness to be discovered.