The high tempo of military life can be tough on the entire family, but the transition back to family life after months or even years away brings its own set of challenges. One of the hardest adjustments for many service members and veterans is reconnecting with their kids after time apart. Children grow and change rapidly, and while you were focused on your duties overseas, your kids were developing new interests, habits, and personalities back home. For many moms and dads returning from deployment, transitioning into retirement, or recovering from a fresh move, stepping back into motherhood or fatherhood can feel overwhelming.
But it doesn’t have to be. Rebuilding connections with your children is not only possible, but it can be deeply rewarding. Here are 5 proven ways to reconnect with your kids post-service.
Make an effort: Learn what they love
When you’ve been away for a while, it’s easy to feel out of sync with your kids. The hobbies, interests, and personalities they had when you left may have evolved. One of the best ways to reestablish your connection is to start by listening. Ask them questions and be genuinely curious about their current passions and likes. Whether they’re into gaming, sports, art, or reading, spend time learning about these interests.
“When I came back from my deployment, my youngest was completely different from the little boy I’d left behind,” Jason, a Navy veteran, shared with WATM. “He’d become obsessed with dinosaurs, something I never saw coming. Instead of trying to force conversations about what I wanted to talk about, I let him teach me about every kind of T. rex, raptor, and triceratops he could name. I learned a lot about dinosaurs, but more importantly, I started to connect with my son in new ways.”
Taking the time to listen helps your children feel seen and heard. They’re likely eager to share the things they’ve been excited about while you were away. By focusing on their interests, you’ll find common ground to start rebuilding that relationship.
Integrate play: Reconnect through fun
Play is one of the quickest, most enjoyable ways to reconnect with your kids. Whether they’re 5 or 15, everyone loves a good time, and engaging in play can help break down barriers.
For younger children, this could mean getting down on the floor to build Legos, make slime, or play catch in the backyard. Older kids might be more into video games or sports, but even something as simple as shooting hoops or going for a bike ride can be a great way to bond.
“When I got home from my deployment, my teenage daughter seemed distant. It was tough—she didn’t talk to me much at first,” said Rob, an Army veteran. “One day, I asked her if she’d teach me how to make slime. I never thought playing with glue and glitter would bring us closer, but that small act of getting my hands messy and having fun together really broke the ice.”
Play helps families bond in an unstructured, low-pressure environment. It’s not about having deep conversations—it’s about sharing a moment of laughter and joy that can pave the way for deeper connections later on.
Read together: Share stories and ideas
Reading together might seem like something only young kids would enjoy, but it can be a great bonding experience at any age. If your children are younger, take the time to read picture books or chapter books aloud. For older kids or teenagers, try picking out a book to read alongside them or find articles or stories that spark mutual interest.
Why It Works:
Reading together opens the door to meaningful conversations. You can discuss characters, plot twists, or real-world issues raised in the stories. It also gives you an excuse to spend quiet, uninterrupted time together. Books are a great way to find common ground, especially if there are genres or topics both you and your children enjoy.
“I knew my son was into science fiction, so after I got home, I picked up one of his favorite books and started reading it,” said Marcus, a Marine veteran. “After that, we had something to talk about. We’d sit together in the evenings and discuss the story. It was a simple way to connect without needing to force anything.”
Get out of the house: Explore new activities together
Sometimes, staying cooped up at home can make it harder to reconnect. Shake things up by getting out of the house and trying something new. Whether it’s signing up for a local fitness class, taking a jiu-jitsu lesson together, or even just going for a hike, physical activities allow you to bond while doing something constructive.
Why It Works:
Physical movement releases endorphins, which improve mood and energy levels. Additionally, doing an activity together—whether it’s working out, learning a new sport, or even going to a museum—gives you shared experiences to talk about and helps rebuild trust.
“My daughter was really into dance, and I figured the best way to show her I cared was to try it with her,” said Andrew, a retired Air Force pilot. “So, we signed up for a beginner’s dance class, and even though I’m the furthest thing from a dancer, we laughed the whole time.”
Come back to the table: Share meals together
In many cultures, sharing a meal is one of the most fundamental ways to connect, and it holds just as much importance in a family setting. If your schedule allows, make it a priority to have meals together. Whether it’s breakfast, lunch, or dinner, sitting down around the table creates space for conversation and bonding.
Why It Works:
Sharing meals together regularly encourages communication. It’s a time for everyone to be present, share what’s going on in their lives, and simply enjoy being together. You might start with easy, light conversations and eventually work toward discussing deeper subjects.
“After months of not seeing each other, our family meals felt a little awkward at first,” said Tom, a Navy SEAL veteran. “But after a while, it became our routine again—sitting down at the table, talking about our day, and just being a family.”
Reintegrating into your family after life changes and transition is challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to reconnect and build deeper bonds with your kids. By listening to what they care about, engaging in play, sharing stories, exploring new activities, and making time for family meals, you’ll create the foundation for a strong, lasting relationship. Transitioning from on-duty to and integrating home may not happen overnight, but with patience and effort, the connections can grow stronger every day.