The old saying, “You knew what you were getting into,” is untrue for military spouses. Even speaking with military wives who had parents in the military, the reality of being a military spouse is always more than was expected.
When the military calls, the entire family serves. Uncle Sam does not make a request and verify that all parties in a military family are good with the terms. He just gives an order and expects it to be followed.
In the ever-changing world of military life, military spouses often find themselves assuming multiple roles on the home front. Due to the demands of deployments, relocations, and family responsibilities, they step into roles they did not train for but accomplish anyway. There is no interview process or training that fully prepares one for serving as a military spouse.
Each spouse wears these 3 hats. They are the military spouses’ acts of service.
Hat #1: Family Anchor
Military spouses anchor their families by providing consistency at home. When the service member is called away, it is assumed that the spouse will be present to handle the needs of the children. A military spouse is – by necessity – the primary caregiver for the kids at home. Military spouses juggle this expectation along with their own goals and responsibilities.
While the service member works to achieve the military mission, the spouse is doing all the rest. There is no issued staff to step in to run carpool drop-offs and after-school pickups. There is only figuring it out to the best of his or her ability.
Because of this, all military spouses are leaders. Each provides stability for their families by answering the call to take care of the home front when their service member is called away.
Hat #2: Master of transitions
The military spouse moves to a different home, neighborhood and culture at each new base. Asking a new neighbor to be their child’s emergency contact at school is normal in military life. Setting aside one’s career to accommodate the service member’s responsibilities is an everyday occurrence.
Military spouses put on the hat of researcher to find their family new doctors, dentists and schools every few years when they PCS to a new duty station. Some people travel for adventure or rest, military spouses do it as a way of life. Leaning into each new duty station requires a tourist’s eye. Every few years, military spouses become tour guides to explore a new area. Bucket lists are created, and explorations are had, in order to make the most of each duty station.
Hat #3: Community Builder
If you stay in the military long enough, you may get stationed with friends at a future duty station. More than likely a military spouse will need to make new friends and create new support networks in each new place. Community and friends are two things not issued by the military.
A military spouse needs to be an event coordinator to build a social group. He or she has to either host or attend events – sometimes both, to meet new friends. Military spouses grow communities of support for themselves and their children. They may have to step out of their comfort zones and go it alone to create their community in each new place.
There is no interview to check if a spouse is up to the challenge of being a military spouse. No list of requirements or trainings are presented before someone marries a service member. There is no way to know with certainty the challenges that will fall on their plates.
Military spouses do what they need to do to support the mission in their own way. They flex to the military’s needs. By embracing their pivotal, multi-dimensional contributions, military spouses navigate the complexities of military life with confidence and strength, serving in important ways.