It’s no secret the milspouse space is dominated by women. With male spouses making up less than 10% of the demographic, you can see how exclusion is the norm. That number goes down significantly when talking about males who are not veterans. Now, that is not to say that the ladies all do it on purpose. Some of them do, but many do it completely by accident. Hopefully, this short list makes a difference in some way to clear the air.
On behalf of male military spouses everywhere, here are 3 things we need the lady milspouses to know:
1 – Playdates for our kids are hard to come by
Many male spouses are also stay-at-home parents. Whether they work from home or simply take care of the children, they are generally the ones handling the day-to-day routine of caring for the kids. I can’t tell you how many times my youngest really enjoyed playing with another child, only to have their mother reject future playdates or ignore me outright. I’m not the one who suffers, my kid does. Children need to interact with other children. Which brings me to my next point…
2 – We weren’t flirting with you
Communication can be difficult. Things can easily be misinterpreted, especially among men and women. Think about it, there are entire careers built around helping men and women communicate more effectively. Heck, I spent years on a negotiations team as a first responder and even I am guilty of miscommunication at times. We all are. So, keep this in mind next time you are at the playground with the kids and one of the dads tries to strike up a conversation. He’s probably just trying to be friendly in hopes of a future playdate – for the kids. If you expect every interaction to be negative, you will guarantee it is. After all, everything looks like a nail to a hammer right?
3 – We face many of the same issues as the women
We know what it’s like to have to move every few years. We have had to endure our partners being gone for long periods of time. We have to constantly worry about our careers while juggling the ever-changing and chaotic schedule of a military family. These things are universal. We need help sometimes too.
Remember those first few days at a new job where you don’t know anything or anyone? That’s how most of us guys feel a lot of the time. It’s the primary reason that males are far less likely to identify heavily as a military spouse. By default, we have to find friends and groups outside of military life.
What can you do?
Stop painting military spouses with a girly brush. Make sure to remember us when planning events. Nothing about pastel colors and manicures is appealing to me, or most male spouses, for that matter. A good pedicure is absolutely amazing, but let’s not get sidetracked. I’m not telling you to make the door prizes a shotgun and a case of whiskey, but you get the idea. With the population of male military spouses increasing rapidly, the demand for male inclusion grows exponentially each year. We all have to share this space, let’s make sure everyone has a seat at the table.