The 5 military spouse friendships you need

Military spouse friendships are essential for navigating this crazy life.
Daniella Horne Avatar

By Daniella Horne

Posted on Aug 5, 2024

Reviewed By Tessa Robinson

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Friends at a comedy show
Mollie Todd laughs along with her friends during a comedy show at the Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point Theater Friday. “Mollie Gross made me realize I’m not alone in this,” said Todd. “She makes you feel like you’re in good company as a military wife. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who goes through thoughts of craziness while the husbands are gone.” USMC Photo/Photo by Lance Cpl. Cory D. Polom

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When I became a military spouse, everyone around me mentioned the importance of finding a village. A safe group of people who will tag along the ups and downs of military life. Whether you find one or create one yourself, a village has a huge impact on how your life as a military spouse will go. It’s simple — either you find the greatest people around and enjoy a duty station or you will dislike it. That was the advice I received and one I still share to this day with new milspos as they find their way through the chaos. After years of tackling deployments, underways, pcsing and many other situations this life throws at us, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are specific friendships you need to take it all in.

These 5 Military Spouse Friendships are a must-have through the years to come while your service member wears the uniform proudly and the DOD has a grip on all your future plans. 

1. The “Newbie” Spouse

U.S. Army Sgt. 1st Class Matthew Seals, an indirect fire infantryman with Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 185th Infantry Regiment, and U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt. Desiree Ruby, a radio chief with 9th Communications Battalion, tie the knot during the San Diego Padres Military Appreciation Day on September 26, 2021, at Petco Park in San Diego. The couple were the winners of the “Wedding of a Lifetime presented by USAA” sweepstakes which hosted an all-expenses paid ceremony and reception for the newlyweds and approximately 100 guests. (U.S. Army National guard photo by Spc. Simone Lara)

An “unseasoned” human being full of wonder and love for all things Military. A spouse whose service member is tackling their first duty station after having their boot camp and tech school experience. A new spouse to the military will allow you to keep your empathy through the struggles. It is someone you can help and take under your wing, someone you can warn about military life. Not only will this give you a sense of purpose through your community but it is an untarnished friendship. Someone who is getting to know the ins and outs, staying away from drama, someone you can listen to and encourage. Fill your cup while filling theirs. 

2. The “I also served” Spouse

Sgt. Jennifer Estrada, assigned to the female engagement team, 3rd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, adjusts the chevron ranks on her husband, Staff Sgt. Jonadam Costilloe, currently assigned as the I Marine Expeditionary Force (FWD) air liaison, Camp Dwyer, Afghanistan. Costilloe reunited with his wife of five months for his promotion ceremony held at Camp Leatherneck, July 1, 2010. The Grand Junction, Colo., couple are on their third combat deployment, their first on separate camps.

Another spouse you need around is a veteran. Someone like myself who has served in the military, keeps it real, understands the op-tempo, lingo, mission… A veteran spouse will allow you to see military life under a different light. We understand and have first-hand knowledge of deployments and how the service member feels while away. We bring a bit of reason into situations where answers can seem to be impossible to find. We have been there, done that and have a shirt from Afghanistan to prove it. A spouse who has served will empathize, show support, will keep you grounded and help you educate yourself on the different aspects of military life. 

3. The “Seasoned” Spouse

U.S. Army Soldiers, assigned to Headquarters and Headquarters Battery, 3rd Infantry Division Artillery, Belinda Bault, left, and Katherine Rudder stand together after Soldiers expressed gratitude for their care packages and donated supplies. The Soldiers could not stop smiling and gave hugs to the military spouses who helped in organizing this welcome home surprise. (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Tiana Brown)

Next on the list is the mighty Seasoned Spouse. The “salty” spouses who know the ins and outs of FRG meetings, the ones who will tell you exactly when to call the appointment line, grasp the importance of volunteering positions and are very acquainted with OPSEC and homecoming timelines. The wealth of experience, accumulated years of practical advice and insight into resources and connections make this spouse a great addition to your circle. Someone you can trust to guide you in the right direction as you navigate the troubled seas ahead. 

4. The “Jack-of-All-Trades” Spouse

Fort Bliss, Texas – Misty Hofmann, a native of Mount Dora, Florida, spouse of Lt. Col. Patrick Hofmann, Headquarters and Headquarters Battalion, 1st Armored Division, displays her painting of Uncle Sam inside the A Little Bit of Bliss gift shop on Feb. 6. The shop has become a haven for military spouses looking for a creative outlet, hobby, comradery or employment. Aside from independent opportunities like A Little Bit of Bliss, the Army is taking an active approach to help military spouses find jobs, build careers and improve their quality of life. (U.S. Army photo by Jean S. Han)

A Jack-of-all-trades military spouse is like the Swiss army knife of this lifestyle. A person who will remind you to start the truck during deployment, help you with a flat tire, can get crafty, will help you unpack and pack in a jiffy. Their range of abilities and variety of talents allow them to adapt to all environments. They are quick learners, flexible and are very resourceful which comes in handy while tackling military life. These spouses are dependable, supportive, always ready to volunteer for a community event and are always up for a challenge. 

5. The “Up for Anything” Spouse

FORT BLISS, Texas – Teagan Pomerleau, spouse of Soldier assigned to 4th Battalion, 27th Field Artillery Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division, prepares to rappel as a Soldier assigned to Iron Training Detachment, 1st Armored Division, ties a rappel seat onto her during Molly Pitcher Day, April 27, 2017 at Fort Bliss, Texas. Spouses of 1st AD Soldiers spent the day learning basic Soldiering skills which included firing an M4 carbine rifle and rappelling. Molly Pitcher Day honors the work of a woman who carried water pitchers to Soldiers and continued firing a canon after her husband collapsed during the American Battle of Monmouth. (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Lauren Harrah/Released)

Last but not least, find someone who is an extrovert. I know this can be tough, especially if you are an introvert yourself. A friend like this will show off social confidence, is outgoing, enthusiastic and will help you build personal relationships. You will meet new friends through them as your village quality improves. Loneliness can be a very real problem through this lifestyle and you will need someone who is ready to drag you out of your deployment funk. Friends like these will aid you in navigating different social scenarios, guide you through a new duty station, encourage you to break out of your shell and most of all be a shining light in the darkness. 

Creating friendships that are worth having is tough. Finding the right people who fearlessly and selflessly will be your go-to military spouses can take time but what an amazing feeling it is when you have the right village supporting you. Military spouse friends who not only are your friends but also care for your family, show up when you need them most and keep you accountable for your own actions. Respect, self-awareness, lots of love, empathy and a whole lot of amazing memories through the duty stations to come.